Sometimes wanting to kill yourself just means you don’t want to live the life you’re living.
You can change your life with that power.
What the hell, you were about to lose your whole life.
Why not instead lose your school, job, pretenses, fears, adherence to society’s standards, shame.
I have found some of my suicidal episodes to be strangely liberating in that way.
I wouldn’t take back any of what made me who I am today.
I can’t say what it’s like for people who are “traditionally” suicidal, since I don’t count myself to that group, but this is what it’s always been like for me. I’ve never wanted to kill myself, but like a thread through my whole life of strangeness, in the back of my head, I’ve always known that if things got to where I just couldn’t deal with it anymore, then I would just leave: bring the essentials and, literally, run for the hills.
